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Alan's Corollary:
Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane.
Alan's Law:
All things being equal, you lose.
Alan's Law of Research:
The theory is supported as long as the funds are.
Alan's Law of Success:
If at first you succeed, you have no idea what you're doing.
Alan's Motto:
It's easier to make true enemies than true friends.
Alan's Second Law:
Never eat anything bigger than your head.
Alan's View on Life:
Life's a bitch, time's a bastard, then you die and get over it.
Alexander Bell's Theorem:
When a body is immersed in water, the phone rings.
Anthony's Law of Force:
Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
Anthony's Shop Law:
Any tool dropped will roll into the least accessible corner of the workshop.
The Army Axiom:
Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood.
Arthur's Law of Love:
People to whom you are attracted think you remind them of someone else.
Atwood's Fourteenth Corollary:
No books are lost by lending except those you particularly wanted to keep.
Baker's Law:
You never want the one you can afford.
Ballance's Law of Relativity:
The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
Barach's Rule:
An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own physician.
Bedfellows Rule:
The one who snores will fall asleep first.
Beryl's Law:
The "CONSUMER REPORT" on the item will come out a week after you buy the item.
Bocklage's Law:
He who laughs last probably didn't get the joke.
Boobs Law:
You always find something the last place you look.
Brenda's Rule:
At any event, the people whose seats are farthest from the aisle arrive last.
Brintnall's Law:
If you are given two contradictory orders, obey them both.
Byrne's Law of Concreting:
When you pour, it rains.
Campbell's Law:
Nature abhors a vacuous experimenter.
Cheit's Lament:
If you help a friend in need he's sure to
remember you - the next time he's in need.
Cheops' Law:
Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
Chisholm's Corollary:
If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will.
Clark's Law:
The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible.
Cole's Law:
Thinly sliced cabbage.
Connor's Second Law:
If something is confidential it will be left in the copier machine.
Cooper's Metalaw:
A proliferation of new laws creates a proliferation of new loopholes.
Cornuelle's Law:
Authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them.
Crane's law:
There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.
Davis' Answer to Roger's Law:
Serving coffee on an aircraft causes turbulence.
Deal's Sailing Law:
The amount of wind varies inversely with the number and experience of the crew.
Devries' Dilemma:
If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want will hit the paper.
Diner's Dilemma:
A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.
Doyle's Law:
No matter how many share a cab, each puts the full fare on their expense account.
Drew's Law:
The client who pays the least complains the most.
Dykstra's Law:
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
Ehrman's Law:
Things will get worse before they get better. Who said they'll get better?
Etorre's observation:
The other line always moves faster.
Evans' and Bjorn's Law:
No matter what goes wrong, there is always somebody who knew it would.
Evan's Law:
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, you don't understand the problem.
Fahnestock's Rule:
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Fagin's Rule:
Hindsight is an exact science.
Farmer's Credo:
Sow your wild oats on Saturday night, then on Sunday pray for crop failure.
Farnsdick's Corollary:
After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself.
Ferguson's Law:
A crisis is when you can't say "Let's forget the whole thing."
Fett's Law of the Lab:
Never replicate a successful experiment.
The Fifth Rule:
You have taken yourself too seriously.
Finagle's First Law:
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
Finagle's First Rule:
To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
Finagle's Second Rule:
Always keep a record of data - it indicates you've been working.
Finagle's Third Rule:
Always draw your curves first, then plot your data.
Finagle's Fourth Rule:
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
Finagle's Fifth Rule:
Experiments should be reproducible - they should all fail in the same way.
Finagle's Sixth Rule:
Do not believe in miracles - rely on them.
Finagle's Eighth Rule:
Teamwork is essential. It allows you to blame someone else.
Finman's Principle:
The one you want is never the one on sale.
First Law of Debate:
Never argue with a fool - people might not know the difference.
First Law of Travel:
It always takes longer to get there than to get back.
First Rule of Superior Inferiority:
Don't let your superiors know you're superior to them.
Fiske's Teenage Corollary:
The stomach expands to accomodate the amount of junk food available.
Frothingham's Corollary:
The mountain looks closer than it is.
Futility Law:
No experiment is a complete failure - it can always serve as a negative example.
Gattuso's Extension:
Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse.
The General Law:
The chaos in the universe always increases.
Gillenson's Law of Expectation:
Never get excited over how people look from behind.
Glyme's Formula:
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.
Goebel's Law of Rush Hour Traffic:
What speeds up, must slow down. But who says it's ever gonna speed up?
The Golden Rule:
Whoever has the most makes the rules.
Gold's Law:
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
The Green Thumb Law:
The life of a house plant varies inversely
with its price and directly with its ugliness.
Greer's Third Law:
A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do.
Grossman's Lemma:
Any task worth doing was worth doing yesterday.
Gumperson's Law:
The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability.
Hadley's Law of Clothing:
If you like it, they don't have it in your size.
Hamilton's glass cleaning law:
The spo you are scrubbing is always on the other side.
Hane's Law:
There is no limit to how bad things can get.
Hartley's Law:
You can lead a horse to water, but if you get him to float on his back, you've got something.
Hartley's Second Law:
Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
Hawkins' Theory:
Progress consists in replacing a theory
that is wrong with one more subtly wrong.
Hershiser's First Rule:
Anything NEW and/or IMPROVED, isnt.
Hershiser's Second Rule:
The Lable NEW and/or IMPROVED means the price went up.
Hoare's Law:
Inside every large problem is a small problem trying to get out.
Hoffer's Law:
When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.
Hoffstedt's Employment Principle:
Confusion creates jobs.
Howe's Law:
Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
Imbesi's Law:
In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty.
Iron Law of Distribution:
Them that has, gets.
Jacob's Law:
To err is human - to blame it on someone else is even more human.
Jacquin's Postulate:
No man's life, liberty, or property are safe when legislature is in session.
Jensen's Law:
Win or lose, you lose.
John's Collateral Corollary:
In order to get a loan you must first prove that you don't need it.
Jones' Law of TV:
The only new show worth watching will be cancelled.
Jones' Law of TV:
The show you've been looking forward to all week will be preempted.
Jones's Motto:
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Johnson and Laird's Law:
A toothache tends to start on Saturday night.
Katz's Law:
Men and nations will act rationally when all other possibilities have been exhausted.
Kitman's Law:
Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the TV screen.
Klipstein's Engineering Law:
Dimensions will always be in the wrong units, such as furlongs per fortnight.
Knox's Principle:
An acquired player fades, a traded player rises to stardom.
Kohn's Corollary:
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
Kovac's conundrum:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Las Vegas Law:
Never bet on a loser because his luck is bound to change.
Lavia's Law of Tennis:
A mediocre player will sink to the level of his or her opposition.
Law of Computer programming:
Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
Law of Computer programming:
Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.
Law of Computer programming:
If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
Law of Computer programming:
The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
Law of Computer programming:
Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the maintainer.
Law of Computer programming:
If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
Law of Construction:
Cut it large and kick it into place.
Law of Gifts:
You get the most of what you need the least.
Law of the Kitchen:
You're always complimented on the item that took the least effort to prepare.
Law of Life's Highway:
If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Law of the Office:
Important letters which contain no errors will develope errors in the mail.
Law of Reruns:
If you have watched a TV series once and watch it again, it will be a rerun.
Law of the Search:
The first place to look for something is the last place you'd expect to find it.
Law of Tests:
If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.
Law of Tests:
When reviewing your notes before an exam, the most important ones will be illegible.
Law of Tests:
80% of the final will be on the one lecture you missed about the one book you didn't read.
Lee's Law In dealing with a body of people, the people will be more tacky than expected.
Lefty Gomez's Law:
If you don't throw it, they can't hit it.
Leo Rogers' Commentary:
If it's worth doing, it's worth overdoing.
Levy's Ninth Law:
Only God can make a random selection.
Lieberman's Law:
Everybody lies; but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
Lord balfour's Contention:
Nothing matters very much, and very few things matter at all.
Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology:
There's always one more bug.
Lynch's Law:
When the going gets tough...everyone leaves.
Maier's Law:
If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.
Malek's Law:
Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
Marks' Law:
A fool and your money are soon partners.
Matilda's Sub-Committee Law:
If you leave the room, you're elected.
Matsch's Law:
It's better to have a horrible ending that to have horrors without end
Matz's Maxim:
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
McGowan's Axiom:
If a Christmas gift is advertised as "under $50", you can bet it's not $19.95.
Meyer's law:
It is a simple task to make things complex, but a complex task to make them simple.
Miles' Rule:
Where you stand depends on where you sit.
Miller's Law:
You can't tell how deep a puddle is until you step in it.
Moser's Law of Sports:
Exciting plays only occur
when you're watching the scoreboard or buying a hot dog.
Moser's Law of Sports:
Exciting plays only occur when
you're watching the scoreboard or buying food.
Muir's Law:
When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to the universe.
Murphy's Flu Philosophy:
Even water tastes bad when taken on doctor's orders.
Murphy's Flu Philosophy:
Just because your doctor has a name for it doesn't mean he knows what it is.
Murphy's Flu Law:
If you seem to be getting better, it's your doctor getting worse.
Murphy's Government Law:
If anything can go wrong, it will do so in triplicate.
Murphy's Law of Research:
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
Murphy's Observation:
When it rains, it pours.
Murphy's Philosophy:
Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse.
Murphy's Seventh Corollary:
Every solution breeds new problems.
Murphy's Tenth Corollary:
Mother Nature is a bitch.
Murray's Hockey Rule:
Hockey is a game played by six good players and the home team.
Murray's Rule of Baseball:
Whatever can go to New York, will.
Murray's Rule of Basketball:
A free agent is anything but.
Murray's Rule of Football:
Nothing is ever so bad it can't be made worse by firing the coach.
Newton's Seventh Law:
A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
O'Brien's Law:
Nothing is ever done for the right reasons.
Olivers's Law of Location:
No matter where you go, there you are.
O'Reilly's Spring Cleaning Law:
Cleanliness is next to impossible.
O'Toole's Axiom:
One child is not enough, but two are far too many.
O'Toole's commentary:
Murphy was an optimist.
The Pace of Progress:
Society is a mule, not a car...
...if pressed too hard, it will throw off its rider.
Parker's Observation:
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes right to the bone.
Parkinson's Second Law:
Expenditures rise to meet income.
Patton's Law:
A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.
Peer's Law:
The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.
Penny's Law:
You can fool all of the people some of the time and all some of the time but you can't fool Mom.
Perkins' Postulate:
The bigger they are...the harder they hit.
Price's Law:
If everybody doesn't want it, nobody gets it.
Porkingham's Fishing Philosophy:
The worse your line is tangled, the better is the fishing around you.
Porkingham's Law:
The time available to go fishing shrinks as fishing season draws near.
Professors Block's Motto:
Forgive and Remember.
Ray's precision Rule:
Measure with a micrometer - Mark with chalk - Cut with an axe.
Rev. Chichester's Law:
If the weather is extremely bad or extremely good, attendance will be down.
Reynold's Law of Climatology:
Wind velocity increases directly with the cost of the hairdo.
Rockefeller's Principle:
Never do anything you wouldn't be caught dead doing.
Roger's Law:
As soon as the stewardess serves the coffee,
the airliner encounters turbulence.
Rominger's Rule for Students:
The more general the title of a course, the less you learn from it.
Ron's Observation for Teens:
The pimples don't appear until the hour before the date.
Rule of Defactualization:
Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
Rune's Rule:
If you don't care where you are, you ain't lost.
Sattinger's Law:
It works better if you plug it in.
Scott's First Law:
No matter what goes wrong, it will probably look right.
Scott's Second Law:
When an error has been detected and
corrected, it will be found to be correct originally.
Seay's Law:
Nothing ever comes out as planned.
Seit's Law of Higher Education:
The one course you need for graduation is not offered your last semester.
Seymour's Investment Principle:
Never invest in anything that eats.
Shaw's Principle:
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
Shirley's law:
Most people deserve each other.
Simon's Law:
Everything put together falls apart sooner or later.
Skoff's Law:
A child will not spill on a dirty floor.
Sodd's Second Law:
Sooner or later the worst is bound to occur.
Spark's First Rule:
Strive to look tremendously important.
Steele's Philosophy:
Everybody should believe in something...I believe I'll have another drink.
Steinbach's Guidline:
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
Stenderup's Law:
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you will have to catch up.
Stitzer's Vacation Principle:
Take half as much clothing and twice as much money.
Student's Law:
Every instructor assumes you have nothing to do but study for his course.
TANSTAAFL:
There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.
Telesco's Nursing Law:
All the IV's are at the other end of the Hall.
The pet principle:
No matter which side of the door the cat or dog is on, it's the wrong side.
Thiessen's Law of Gastronomy:
The hardness of the butter is in direct proportion to the softness of the roll.
Thine's Law:
Nature abhors people.
Thom's Law of Marital Bliss:
The length of a marriage is inversely proportional to the cost of the wedding.
Todd's First Law:
All things being equal, you lose.
Tood's First Law:
No matter what they're telling you, it's not the whole truth.
Truman's Law:
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
Vail's Axiom:
In any human enterprise, work seeks the lowest hierarchial level.
Wagner's Law of Sports TV:
When the camera isolates on a male athlete, he will either spit, pick or scratch.
Walter's Law of Politics:
A fool and his money are soon elected.
Wallace's Observation:
Everything is in a state of utter dishevelment.
The Watergate Principle:
Government corruption will always be reported in the past tense.
Weber's Definition:
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows nothing at all.
Weinberg's First Law:
Progress is made on alternate Fridays.
Weiner's Law of Libraries:
There are no answers, only cross-references.
Wethern's Law:
Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
Whistler's Law:
You never know who's right, but you always know who's in charge.
Wiler's Law:
Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.
Williams and Holland's Law:
If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistics.
Winger's Rule:
If it sits on your desk for 15 minutes, you've just become the expert.
Worker's Law:
No matter how much you do, you'll never do enough.
Worker's Corollary:
What you don't do is always more important than what you do do.
Wyszkowski's Second Law:
Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.
Young's Corollary:
The greater the funding, the longer it takes to make the mistake.
Young's law:
All great discoveries are made by mistake.
Young's Principle of Individuality:
Everybody wants to peel their own banana.
Zymurgy's Labor Law:
People are always available for work in the past tense.
5th Law of the Office:
Vital papers will move from where you left them to where you can't find them.
If it's good, they discontinued it.
If it wern't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.
The telephone will ring when you are outside the door fumbling for your keys.
Glory may be fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
The slowest checker is always at the quick check-out lane.
The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.
No matter how well you do your job, a superior will seek to modify the results.
No matter what goes wrong, there is always somebody who knew it would.
No matter what goes wrong, it will probably look right.
There is nothing so simple that it can't be done wrong.
No matter how much you do, you'll never do enough.
No matter how much you know, you'll never know enough.
When the plane you're on is on time, your connecting flight is late.
When you finally see light at the end of the tunnel, it will probably be a train coming toward you.
The client who pays the least complains the most.
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue.
Keep anything long enough and you can throw it away. Throw it away and you will need it next day.
The one time of the day you lean back and relax is the one time of the day the boss walks throught the office.
If it says "one size fits all," it doesn't fit anyone.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
No matter how hard you shop for an item, after you bought it, you will find it on sale.
A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
An unbreakable toy can be used to break other toys.
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
1. Never be first.
2. Never be last.
3. Never volunteer for anything.
Only adults have difficulty with child-proof bottles.
If it looks easy, it's tough...
If it looks tough, it's impossible.
If it jams, force it....
If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
If you're early, it's cancelled, if you're on time, it's late, if you're late, you're late.
Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.
Nothing is as temporary as that which is called permanent.
There is nothing so small that it can't be blown out of proportion.
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