Top ten likely responses to the Gates pie incident

It's not every day that the world's richest man gets a pie in the face. And we would be remiss if we let the Belgian pie incident go by without a top ten list in its honor. So herewith, the top ten likely Microsoft responses to Gates' pie in the face:

1. Microsoft announces that Robert Lessig's fingerprints were found on the pie plate.
2. Company plans 1999 release of "Visual Pie++ for Windows."
3. Microsoft waffles on release of Belgian version of Windows 98.
4. Hostess fruit pies removed from Microsoft campus vending machines (three days later, a hoard of pies is found in Nathan Myhrvold's office).
5. Bill Gates has pie-proof "Papemobile" built for future public appearances.
6. From now on, all new Microsoft CD-ROMs will be square, because Gates "freaks out" when he sees flat circles.
7. New Microsoft game released: X-Wing vs. Pie Fighter.
8. Microsoft buys Mrs. Smiths Frozen Pie Company--and shuts it down.
9. MS programmers no longer allowed to use value of pi when programming vector-drawing algorithms.
10. After a lengthy investigation, Microsoft reluctantly admits that the pie incident was staged by Wagner-Edstrom to divert public attention from the DOJ hearings.